What do you want?

Everything Changes” – What a great song! So inspiring, so deep, so personal for me. Yet, we cannot “turn back the years”. Every choice, every decision, every outcome…all we can do is aspire to learn from past choices, past scorns, past pleasures. Quite a  few years back, someone asked me the oddest question, or so I thought. It was simply, “What do you want?” I had no idea. I had just been surviving up to that point. It was a question that struck me as very odd. Then, about a year ago, I got a scare at the doctors office. They found what they thought to be cancer. During the time it took to complete all the testing, and ultimately having the lumps removed, I finally did rake through choices I had made, desires I had left behind, goals I had long forgotten. Was my time well spent, or what it just “Wasted”. Ahh! Another good song!

Well, the lumps were examined, the cancer was just a scare…but the aspirations had been awakened. Life, indeed, I decided, would be well spent, well worth it, well used, and well remembered. Twelve months ago, if someone had told me I would be doing things I have done this year, I would have laughed at them. There is no way possible. A lot of things required time and personal inventory. Weeding out the comfortable from the dynamic, acquiring the courage to make leaps, to test the waters, to reach out in faith…and you know what? God truly is always there. There are great things behind the “veil” of our sub-conscience. The question is, are we willing to finally reach out and test the waters?

In 2016 I have tested waters. Waters that flow from mountain tops and fall from tall almost unattainable  cliffs. I say almost because I did attain them. I’ve met the ocean and experienced great love. I’ve met a bear in the forest. I’ve learned how to feel after many many years of drowning in a bottle. Life, indeed, is good. I am finding out that life is not those possessions that have held me hostage all these decades, but life is fed by those spiritual souls we call friends, family, co-workers, and even strangers. Life is experience, strength and hope. Life is not of this physical world, but of our spiritual connections with one another, with nature, and within ones-self. Life is the memory we create, the only thing we will ever carry with us always, and the only thing we will leave behind when we finally transition into our next phase of living…outside of our physical beings.

What do I want? I want to make a difference, to inspire, to be inspired. I want to truly live, without limiting myself by what I (think) I know. I want to learn, to teach, to dance and love.

What do you want? It is within you, and very much attainable.

By Yarn Zen Fibers

Many years ago, I was outside playing kickball with the neighborhood kids. My grandmother called me inside and quickly informed me that "Young ladies do not play with boys!". And she sat me down beside her and taught me my first set of crochet stitches. I do not recall my age, exactly, but do remember I was still in my single digits. Today I am very much grateful for her passing this skill down to me. It has saved my life in so many ways. I have used it as physical and emotional therapy more times than I can count...

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